Reporters Looking Forward To Being Body Slammed By President Rock

July 11, 2017

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As an exploratory committee has been formed to determine the likelihood of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson running for president in 2020, journalists are looking forward to being body slammed by a politician who really knows how to body slam someone.  In the wake of Montana Representative Greg Gianforte body slamming a reporter, and President Donald […]

The Case for Betsy DeVos

February 5, 2017

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Washington, D.C. – Despite protest, Senate leaders are rallying around Betsy DeVos, President Donald Trump’s pick for Secretary of Education, because they said they are afraid to see what Trump’s second round pick would be. “If this is his best candidate…God, I don’t even want to think about who would be his second-best,” said Sen. […]

Debate Viewers Just Hoping to See Ken Bone

February 2, 2017

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Although CNN is touting the debate over the Affordable Care Act as a rivalry between two powerhouse almost-rans, most people are just tuning in hoping to catch a glimpse of Ken Bone. In one corner, there will be Vermont Senator Bernie “The Aggressive Progressive” Sanders. And in the other corner, Texas Senator […]

Posted in: Politics, Uncategorized

Obama Updates His Resume

January 20, 2017

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – After leaving the White House, former President Barack Obama started on his next challenge: landing a new job. But like everyone in this difficult economy, what jobs are available for an executive who was unliked by about half of the people he supervised? “Should I put on my resume that I was […]

Posted in: Politics, Uncategorized

Melania Blinks “Help Me” During Inauguration

January 20, 2017

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As First Lady Melania Trump stood by President Donald Trump throughout the inauguration, Morse Code experts noticed a peculiar rhythm to her blinking. “She was definitely communicating via Morse Code,” U.S. Army Communications officer John Caring said. “She was blinking ‘help me’ over and over again.” One White House employee was reported to have heard […]

Canceled Show Planning Spinoff in 20 Years

January 7, 2017

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The creators of Girl Meets World, which was cancelled earlier this week, have already begun working on the spinoff, which will debut in 2035.   Girl Meets World (2014-2017) features the coming-of-age story of Riley Matthews, daughter of Cory Matthews, star of Boy Meets World (1993-2000). The sequel, Kids Meet World (2035-2036), will feature the […]

Sales Low for “Beats by Chris Brown”

January 1, 2017

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